Susan is a professional kite flyer. Her day job is computer programming. I met her last week at a retreat we put on for a client on the southern Oregon coast. Susan said she took up kiting at age 40 and fell in love with it. She became a pro and that first year became the only woman ever to win Grand Champion in her division. “I can’t believe the doors kiting has opened for me,” she said. “I’ve traveled to places around the world I would have never visited if I hadn’t taken up kiting.” She let herself happen and took flight in new directions. What is your kite?
I first heard Lynda Cole sing, spontaneously, in the lobby of a Bed & Breakfast. Her lack of inhibition was the first thing that impressed me, and her passion was the second. Her voice is very unusual – deep and resonating, almost more like something you would hear echoing across a lake than like the typical human song.
She wanted me to help her become a vocal artist and producer. I did, and now her dream is her everyday reality. In fact, she just won an award. Here is the email she sent about it:
“I just wanted to let you know that my CD Spreading Wings just won a national award at the National Indian Summer Music Awards in a category called Native Spirit. It is a category for non-native americans who perform with native musicians in a style that honors the native culture.”
Congratulations, Lynda! Way to let yourself happen!
Wish you could live your dream? Wish you had a dream? Living your dream but want to take it to the next level? Maybe I can help. Give me a call at 503-363-5500 or email me at jan@quiddityonline.com.
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Last weekend I was in my youngest daughter’s kitchen, nibbling some appetizers in anticipation of the real meal that was on its way. My granddaughter, Allison, age six, came in carrying a tall clear plastic “jar” with a brushed silver lid. Inside were three small pieces of torn paper, each dated and bearing an image she had drawn.
I asked her what the jar was for. She said it was her “Missing Jar.” Allison is adopted. Jody and John went to Russia and brought her home when she was eleven months old. She is a bright and loving spirit, very funny, too. She has attached and adjusted well. Recently, she expressed interest in her birth mother and subsequently said she missed her.
At that point, Jody did something that stuns me. She bought the jar at IKEA and gave it to Allison. She suggested Allison draw or write something down each time she missed her birth mother. Thus, the three pieces of paper in the jar.
No shame. No guilt. No pretending what is, isn’t. Instead, she chose a belief in love and a trust that what comes can be managed.
Are you missing someone or something? Maybe a jar would help.
The ludicrous question, or Ludi-Q, in a situation like this would be “Will you pretend that what is, isn’t?” Ludi-Q’s help you become Ludi-Literate. Click here to hear more.
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Two weeks ago I was blown away by an experience I may never forget.
I facilitated an INOKA training down in Coos Bay, Oregon. INOKA is an acronym for It’s Not Okay Anymore. This is the title of a book and curriculum I co-authored with Greg Enns to empower victims of domestic violence to end the abuse, take charge of their lives and love themselves. It is used by shelters, counselors, and corrections to empower victims to get safe and stay safe and I train them to lead INOKA groups through their organizations.
INOKA trainings always zing me because it is a remarkable thing to spend a day and a half with people on the front lines of domestic violence. This particular experience went beyond that. Three of the women in the training are graduates of the INOKA program. They used to be victims. Now they are survivors. And now they are INOKA group leaders.
What brave people they are. I watched them interact with the group and do their practice session in front of us and tried to imagine them routinely being slugged and slapped and worse. It was difficult, both in terms of upset over them ever being treated that way and in terms of comprehending such a transformation.
More proof that all around us people are letting themselves happen. People like you, unfolding.
There are many kinds of abuse, beyond physical. Many times we don’t know we are being abused because it becomes our “normal.” If you or someone you know may be in a relationship that is emotionally, spiritually, mentally, economically, sexually, or physically abusive, the INOKA book may be helpful, as it has been to thousands of people. Click here to order.
I asked one of my coaching clients to watch the movie Bridge to Terabithea. I think the movie epitomizes a contrast in mindset, and transformation.
In our session this morning, he reported its profound impact on him. Have you watched it yet? I’m not one to watch movies more than once, but I’ve watched it four times and now own a copy. Okay, yes it’s a movie aimed at youth. I choose to think of it as ageless truth remarkably conveyed.
One of the scenes we talked about this morning was the one where Jess was at Leslie’s house painting the room with her parents. The mom chose a golden metallic so the room would glow in the afternoon when the sun broke through the windows. It is as if Jess is also being “repainted” by the experience, moving into a brightness of spirit that you know will stick. He is different when he leaves. It is his BC/AD moment. How he was/how he is.
But of course, other things led to him being ready for that moment, as the movie illustrates. Unfolding is a result of one thing leading to another. This is definitely a “let yourself happen” movie.
There is so much more to say about Terabithea, and if some of you would like chime in, I’d welcome the conversation here. Watch the movie if you haven’t and let me know what you get from it.
Are you on the brink of something “big” and wish you had someone to help you launch it? Do you wish you knew who you are and what you can make of it?
My clients would tell you to give me a call. 503-363-5500.
When I listen to Jan speak, whether in a group or one-on-one, I feel anything is possible. She has a knack for intuitively getting to the core of someone’s possible contribution, even in a short exchange. Over time, her longer-time clients do find they are “letting themselves happen.” Recently I was asked to give “my best thinking on leadership” for a speaking engagement. When I told Jan, she reminded me that when we first started working together, that was my dream. It’s happening. – Margaret Marcuson, Marcuson Leadership Circle, www.margaretmarcuson.com.
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Ludi-Q’s are an essential “let yourself happen”™ tool, so naturally I recommend being Ludi-literate. Here’s my thinking.
Our yeses and no’s shape our lives (take a look at your body if you want physical proof of the concept, or maybe mine would get the point across a little better). This means I’d better be good at understanding what’s being asked so I will know what I’m saying yes and no to. This is where Ludi-Q’s come in. They train us to spot the ludicrous asks (like “May I frustrate your plans?”) that often hide inside our more acceptable human exchanges. This skill helps us keep a bigger slice of the say over our lives.
Now, no one is going to actually ask us outright if they can frustrate our plans, because we would say no. So they sneak it in some other way, hoping we won’t notice. They have a motive they don’t want others to know about.
Instead, it might go something like this: We make a plan at home or work and get agreement from the key players. Then we move forward on it. At some point, the culprit asking the Ludi-Q puts a kink in things and the plan goes sideways. Sorry. Didn’t mean to. It’s just that…
Now, if we’re Ludi-literate, we’ll wonder the first time it happens if the person is tossing us a ludicrous ask, and we’ll poke around to find out if it’s true, or nip it in the bud in case it is. If we’re not Ludi-literate, we may let it happen a few times before we realize we’ve unwittingly agreed to this game by default, or maybe we notice people don’t take us seriously anymore when we announce a plan. Aargh!
So that’s why I recommend being Ludi-literate. You can reduce the number of times you get snookered by the ludicrous ask (and snooker others, by the way), and keep a bit more control over your yeses and no’s and therefore the shape your life takes.
Ludi-literate. It’s not just fun to say, it’s fun to be. I know, because I’m getting pretty Ludi-literate myself. (Did you really think I came up with Ludi-Q’s based on other people’s experiences?!)
We create what helps you navigate the road of life as yourself.
I am inspired to open the year by writing to you about “core brilliance.” Over the years, my understanding and experience of it has deepened, as has my sense of its mystery. Even what I call it has evolved. I used to refer to it as “your defining edge.” I believe that core brilliance is real, that we each have it, and that when it is dimmed, we suffer collectively and individually.
